Marriage Makeover – 04 Like A Garment

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			Bismillah was Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah
		

			salam alaikum wa salam lieberson.
		

			They are closing for you and you are closing for them.
		

			In Allah's infinite wisdom, he chose the analogy of a garment to describe a husband and a wife, he
could have used anything but he chose the fact that they we are garments for each other. And we need
to reflect and extrapolate the lessons from this analogy. Now, duty says that the Tafseer of this
verse is nothing can intervene between the clothes and the body. And each fits into other the other
naturally. And so this is the relationship between a husband and wife that this is the closest
person to you. And each has a means of comfort, protection, and happiness for the other have been
Kathy says that your wives are a resort for you and you are a resort for them. And they are your
		

			cover and you are their cover. In any relationship. The most important aspect to develop is the
aspect of trust. That is the most essential element of any relationship. When you beautify, and you
protect and you cover your spouse's flaws, you build trust with them, they can put down their
guards, they feel that you have their back, they don't have to feel insecure or scared about how
you're going to expose them. If you do expose them, if you're constantly criticizing them, they will
feel very vulnerable. They'll feel insecure and scared in the marriage. I have a couple that I'm
doing therapy with. And the wife would complain that her husband constantly exposes her flaws. She
		

			actually went and told his parents about all the negative things that she does all the mistakes, she
had done things that she told him in private as an Amana, it was something she shared her secrets,
her path. And he exposed her to her parents. And anytime that they are in some kind of dispute, this
is what happens. He exposes her. And so she has lost that sense of trust, she doesn't feel that he
is there to protect her. And this has really damaged the relationship. So if we look at the analogy
of a clothes being a garment, what what is the purpose of a garment? First of all, you see that as a
way of beautifying yourself. And the way you beautify your spouse, in your mind is by thinking about
		

			their positive traits by reflecting on the things that you love about them. I remember my first ever
therapy session, the one that I was doing with a husband and wife, it was unreal, the experience
that I had there, because when I went into my supervisors room, there was yelling and screaming over
the phone, and she turned to me and she's like, they're going to be your first client. And so there
was a lot of sense of responsibility and a little bit of fear of what am I What am I getting into,
as I sat in this therapy session with a co therapist, which really looked the part he had the white
beard at the glasses there, I was a 20 year old but had Jabba did not exactly fit the part and this
		

			was about 20 years ago, then I was sitting there watching the interaction as they were yelling and
screaming and crying. And I all I could think of is I need to add value, I need to say something
meaningful to have an impact on this on them on their marriage and in this therapy session. So I
mustered up enough courage that towards the end of the therapy, I turned up to the wife and I said,
What made you marry? Billy, what was it about Billy, that that made you fall in love with him? And
she just went from a screaming angry crying woman to add giggling school girl, she's very good. I
said, Oh, Billy was so sweet. He is sit, walk me to my classes. And he used to do these special
		

			things for me. And I turned over to Billy and I said, so Billy, what made you fall in love with your
wife and he's like, Oh, she was the most beautiful girl on campus and she just, she stole my heart.
I looked at her and she stole my heart. And so at that moment, our supervisor walk then she walked
		

			Then as she was baffled, she's like, what did you all do? And my co therapist turned to my
supervisor and said, holla, ask the right question. And that was what you love about your spouse.
And that turned everything around. And it taught me a very important lesson is what do you get
yourself to focus on? What do you get others to focus on even in therapy? What are you focusing on
only on the negative traits of your spouse? Are you trying to bring out the best in them. And I
think if we're cognizant of that of what's going on, in our mind, you may not even say anything, but
you're thinking all these negative things, I can't believe that she said that I can't believe he did
		

			that. And you're ruminating about these negative qualities, then it's really going to affect how you
feel about your spouse, so beautify your spouse, in your own mind. And also in the mind of others.
When you're sitting with others, don't talk about your husband, don't talk about your wife, don't
sit there and do some husband bashing or wife bashing. Always search for the positive traits that
they have, and have that beautify them. Another objective of garment is that it's a form of
protection protects you from the elements. So you, as a spouse, you need to protect your spouse,
from any kind of slander from being criticized, you need to be a buffer between your spouse and your
		

			parents, if there's any kind of friction, you need to make sure that you are being demand and making
sure that things are being handled in a fair way that you are protecting her. If you're the woman
and you see that your family is attacking your husband, you need to make sure that you're protecting
his honor that you are not contributing to any kind of any kind of slander. And just as close
protects his wares from the external elements, each spouse protects the other from the external
passions, that would harm the marriage. So that protection, it is like having a fortress, where you
are protected from any kind of desires, any kind of temptations. And I could tell you, dozens and
		

			dozens of stories about people who fall into the hat on because this protection is not there, they
are led to temptation, they succumb to their desires, because they are not fully protected in that
sense. So we have to make sure that we are beautifying our spouse by thinking well of them talking
while also protecting them protecting them from any form of slander, and also protecting them from
any of the temptations that are out there. Another objective of garments is covering up the flaws.
So this means that you don't constantly criticize your spouse. A lot of times people see their role
as a spouse as the critic, I am going to tell you how you look at I'm going to critique your food,
		

			I'm going to critique everything that you do. And this makes a person feel very scrutinized. So you
don't want to do you don't want to criticize you can share and you can
		

			help them improve without criticizing, don't expose their weaknesses. You know, if there is a
weakness that they have, maybe they're unable to, maybe they maybe they have an ability to organize,
maybe they have an inability to be punctual. Maybe they have certain mistakes or shortcomings. Don't
keep exposing them. Don't keep as they say rubbing their nose in it, conceal their floss, conceal
the flaws of your spouse, and even overlook it yourself. And make sure that in front of your family,
your friends and the community, you are doing your best to beautify, protect, and cover your spouse.
And if you do this, this will lead to the ultimate trust because when a spouse feels that they can
		

			trust their spouse and trust is such a huge topic, right? It is on so many different levels. You can
trust your spouse, to be there for you that they're loyal. You can trust your spouse to be a source
of support for you. And you can trust them that you know, they're not going to stab you in the back
with their family or their friends. And that source of trust. When you feel at peace with your
spouse. That's when you can totally surrender. You don't feel like you have to have guards up. You
don't act defensive. You feel that your spouse has your back and you have theirs and this is a very
mutual mutual act.
		

			You need to provide that trust and they need to earn that trust and if you take this beautiful
analogy, this profound analogy that Allah has given us, and we try to implement it by beautifying,
protecting and covering our spouse, then there's so many problems that we can avoid, and we can
truly have a successful marriage inshallah by just implementing this one beautiful analogy. This
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